When You Feeling Alive Again
Since my college life began, I never felt as peaceful as now. After a lot of college drama that I have been going through, lately, I have had chaotic thoughts and feelings about my future. I was always busy to regret my sub-major, I also always asked if it was my choice or if I just following my parents' decision, "am I being driven again by them?". But day by day I tried to enjoy my college life. Besides those thoughts, I also experienced a little bit of friendship drama and heartbreak, or maybe I just felt sensitive, idk. But I just felt everyone was second-choosing me or even they're never choosing me like he did (bombastic side eye).
The day after I flooded my room with tears. I had to go to the campus to take a video for the exam, but I didn't have the energy to socialize. Still, I had to go there... argh. Unfortunately, I couldn't take a video that day. Still, fortunately, my friends and I had a topic that was fun to discuss, in the end, we ended up having a long conversation on the rooftop and playing their signature game which made me realize what I was crying about before.
Those moments made me realize I'm not losing people who want to choose me. I realized that there are people who still want to talk with me. And also I realized that even though ppl don't choose me, I always choose myself no matter what. Idc, if ppl leave me, cuz I have myself and ppl who accept me. I try to let them go and set my boundaries if they don't accept me or disrespect me. Cuz my Self-respect is bigger than my feelings.
Sometimes we just need someone who accepts us, don't try to be accepted in an environment that doesn't accept you. Just let them go, cuz ppl come and go. That's ok to cut them off, who hurt your feelings, cuz they will always disrespect you if they hate you. And also, it's ok to feel those bad feeling again, cuz life is a rollercoaster.
So the point of this journal is "Uncrush him makes me alive" Finally I can live without thinking that Jamet like earth again hahhahaha. Enjoy your life guysss (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。
"Did it just to hurt me and make me cry,
smiling through it all, yeah, that's my life.
you're an idiot, now I'm sure.
now I'm positive, I should go and warn her.
ohh, bet you're thinking she's so cool"
That's So True - Gracie Abrams