I went through my life alone, So that's ok
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Have you ever experience, when you are in a good condition, you have a lot of friends, but when you are in a bad condition, people are gone? If you've experienced it, that's ok, cuz me too. Akhir-akhir ini gue seakan dipaksa untuk menyadari bahwa sebenernya I'm literally alone. Bulan lalu emang jadi bulan dimana gue lagi seneng-senengnya dan gue juga realize kalo gue gak sendiri, tapi kejadian di awal, bulan terakhir di 2024 ini nampar gue kenceng bgt.
Ketika gue baru realize kalo gue yang sebenernya gak suka sendirian ini malah sama semesta disuruh apa-apa sendiri even in the condition that I really need someone. Hehe sakit sih tapi mau gimana lagi cuz that's the truth. Jujur pengen kayak orang-orang , punya orang yang at least nanyain kabar, kayak orang tua, temen, or maybe pacar kali yak, meskipun gue gak ngarep" amat kalo yg terakhir. Tapi semuanya nihil, gue cuman nemu diri gue di ruangan itu yang lagi sama-sama struggle.
When my friends always ask me "kenapa lu selalu makan,makanan sehat sih?", Kalo gue bisa jawab jujur gue bakal ngomong gini "Karena gue ga mau ada di posisi bingung mau minta bantuan ke siapa kalo sakit", beda sama lu yang playing victim. Ehhh sorry tidak bermaksuddd.. Tapi ya gitu deh jawaban asli gue kalo org-org nanya gue, kenapa selalu makan sehat dan olahraga. Karena gue tau, gue ga punya someone to rely on cokk. Gue cuman punya diri gue sendiri. Tapi gpp gue bangga sama diri gue.
But the saddest thing of the accident before was, when I really needed someone to help me karena gue hampir aja pingsan kedua kalinya di bandung. Tapi ternyata satu-satunya orang yang bisa gue harapin aja ternyata gak bisa gue harapin. Kek, No one who gonna put effort buat gue gitu lho. Kecewa sih tapi ya mau gimana lagi, lagi-lagi gue harus memaklumi dan menghargai keputusan orang lain.
Tapi dibalik semua struggles that I've gone through by myself. At the same time, I got a lot of strength. Kayak, u know, Banyak hal- hal yang gue hadapin sendiri and No one in this world knows of it, kecuali aku dan allah. But I got through it, I got through my life, maybe it was very miserable, tapi kayak I keep on trying and I'm so proud of it. Mungkin banyak orang yang bilang, gue terlalu membanggakan diri gue. Cuz you guys don't know what I went through, I earned my life and I'm proud of it. So that's ok to be alone cuz you guys will get your strengths as well.